Since a was a VERY little girl when people would ask me about a trait that I did not like about myself, I would ALWAYS say-I have no patience. I get frustrated by slow processes, slow thinking, slow actions, slow people, slow movies and anything else you can think of that is not 100% efficient. As a result, I thrive in finding ways to make all chores and tasks done as quickly as possible. I think before I act, most of the time, but I also only give myself so long to think before I do something. But, for some reason-God has been trying to teach me patience OVER and OVER again. Right now it is dealing with HOURS of contractions EVERY day for a week with absolutely NO PROGRESS into labor. What is the point? I would have been fine to wait patiently for my scheduled c-section and not go through all of this pain. So-why do I need to have all of these contractions and not be able to do anything about them. With Annabelle's pregnancy, I was more than content to wait until things progressed but then the Drs kept telling me it would be ANY DAY because I was dilating (never felt a single contraction with her)--so I started to get inpatient. Now, the opposite is happening, I am having contractions and NO DILATION. Ridiculous!
Over the years there have been so many things that have happened in my life that I would say are teaching me patience-from jobs to relationships etc. etc. etc. I think about what all this is supposed to be good for and I can't think of the answer. I mean-really if we live with an eternal perspective, why do we need patience in heaven. We will have all the answers in moments and will not have to struggle with wanting something we can't have or even being frustrated. So-what is the reason that God cares if I have patience now....really....what is the big deal about having patience? And more importantly-when can I just finally stop struggling with everything that does not go as I think it will go.
I am so tired from not sleeping and am not in the mood for a life lesson right now! Frustration leads to impatience once again......story of my life :(
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3 comments:
Keep your chin up! She'll be here before ya know it ;)
Praying for you...I know this is a difficult time. Let me know if we can help in any way.
Thanks for being so open in this post! I hear you on the whole patience issue, but I also know that it is something we are supposed to strive for... but maybe its the way we are viewing the word patience. That would be a good study. What if the biblical term is not the english term... humm. Anyway, I TOTALLY understand what you are going through! I was there with Ryland and really, it did not get better for me until she was born... atleast you have an end in sight... well... atleast in theory you know there will be an end.
I pray for you every morning. You are a great momma to Annabelle and you will be to Maggie as well!
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