MINE

I got an email from babycenter.com today about Annabelle and the fact that kids her age are going to be going through the stage where they have the need for their own possesions.  They will want to label things as "mine" and be sure that they can have control over those things.  Well-Annabelle has been in this stage for a few weeks now and this has proven to be problamtic in the sibling relationship particularly.  If Maggie is playing with one of Annabelle's toys, Annabelle comes unglued.  Well, lets face it-all of the toys in the house were once Annabelle's.... However, everything is in the house is meant to be shared among everyone in the house except for a few special things each person can have.  Annabelle has a special blanket that she does not have to share but beyond that-everything else is fair game. 

BUT-the funny thing is that Annabelle has taken this to a new level by declaring me as HER mommy!  When I go to school to pick Annabelle up, if any of her friends talk to me, she tells them-That is MY mommy.  She does not want me to talk to them or pick up any of the babies in Maggie's room.  This is fine and I understand her wanting me to be hers, but recently she has started telling Maggie that.  She tries to pull Maggie off of me and says-MY MOMMY!  I have tried to explain things to her, but she still insists on her stance!

Well-my sweet girl...I will always be YOURS .  From the first time I held you, I was yours...

BUT you will have to share me as your mommy with at least one other little one!

MY Little Maggie Rose

This weekend, I got the priviledge of having my second child be my only child for a few days!  This has not happened since she was born and I was able to hold and spoil her all day long while Annabelle was at school during the day.  I knew some things about Maggie prior to this weekend, but I feel like I was able to concentrate only on her (and my husband) for a few days to really get to know her in a new way. 

One of the things I have known from the beginning about Maggie is that she goes with the flow very well.  During her first week of life, Italo and I were taking her to movies and to test drive cars and she did not mind one bit.  She happily waited until we had time to feed her, change her diaper or play with her.  SUCH A CHANGE from our first child who really wanted everything done exactly as the day before.  During the last 11 months, she has taken Annabelle's lead with what we were going to do everyday.  The saying, "The squeeky wheel gets the greese" is sadly very true in our house.  To make the house run peacefully, we often cater to Annabelle's needs as long as Maggie is happy.  Which is most of the time.   

The other thing I have known about Maggie is that she loves to smile!  She smiles with the slightest glance in her direction and it melts your heart.  She is so happy when people talk to her and happiest when people hold her.  She loves to give full body hugs and eats up tickles!

Some things I learned this weekend were that she does not like being the car by herself---she is used to Annabelle being in the back with her.  And she is not a fan of new places or new faces.  She is quite shy-which suprises me since she likes people so much. 

I also learned that she really has a lot to say!  She talked and talked to us this weekend.  She tried to mimic sounds we made and words we said.  This is very normal for a child her age, but when our chatterbox child is around, she does not even try to talk. 

The best suprise to me was that she is one of those dream children that sleep in when they are put to bed late!  Annabelle has NEVER done this.  If she goes to bed at 8:00pm, she is getting up at 7:00.  If she goes to bed at 10pm, she is getting up at 7:00.  Maggie slept til 9:00 on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  What a nice treat for a mommy who has not slept in past 7:00 in 3 years!

I have a lot to learn about you my sweet Maggie---I just need to listen to you more in the midst of the chatter of your family!  

No Commands??? Seriously...

I have not had much time to read the book that I am loving to learn from-Parenting with Love and Logic, but I have made it through a bit more during the kids bathtimes.  This is really the only time I can read a book because the kids are not clawing at me and I can keep an eye on them while I am reading!

One thing that has proven quite difficult is re-training myself to offer Annabelle advice instead of commands.  And-trying to re-train Italo to do the same.  He told me yesterday, "You trained me all wrong!"  Since Annabelle was quite small, if she was doing something that Italo did not like, he would try to convience her to do things his way and my response was always..."You are bigger than her, make her do what you want!"  This is VERY different than the wisdom that I am finding in Love and Logic.  Of course there are times they have to do something they dont want to do, but for the most part we are encouraged to offer advice instead of commands.

Example:  We want Annabelle to come to the car after leaving Babies R Us yesterday.  We explain that Maggie is sleepy and needs to leave now.  She says she does not want to leave.  We tell her, that is not an option, but you do have the choice of walking to the car or being carried.  She chooses to walk....until she sees the Mickey Mouse ride at the front of the store.  So-we let her play there while Italo is checking out and then we have to leave...Maggie is fading fast!  Again, we tell her it is time to go and she can walk or be carried.  She does not start walking so Italo picks her up and carries her to the car, telling her-I guess you choose to be carried.  This sets her off-of course.

She NEEDS to see Mickie Mouse.  She NEEDS to see Mickie Mouse.  This is her cry...all the way home.  She then proceeds to start kicking the seat.  Her cry has started to get me over the edge, so I am far from amused at this point and I really want to tell her-STOP KICKING THE SEAT in my best stern voice that has been practiced over 3 years.  But instead, I try to put the new technique into practice.

ME:  Annabelle-do you want to kick the seat or go to time out when we get home?   

ANNABELLE:  Stops crying all the sudden and says-"Kick the seat"

I look at Italo kinda dumbfunded....hmm, I did not offer that choice correctly!  I guess I need some more practice ;) 

Side by Sides!

Annabelle found her baby book tonight and wanted me to tell her the stories over and over!  As a result of looking at all those pictures of my first baby I realized that I was WAY behind on Maggie's baby book-which I fixed tonight and I also wanted to see the girls monthly pics side by side.  I thought you guys may be interested in this as well so here goes.  Annabelle is on the top, Maggie on the bottom in each set and they are each taken on the day they turned 1 month, 2 months etc.

1 month

2 months

Annabelle 11lbs 7oz 22 3/4"

Maggie 12 lbs 10oz 23 3/4"

3 months

4 months

Annabelle - 14 lbs 13 oz 24 3/4"

Maggie - 15 lbs 25 1/4"

5 months

6 months

Annabelle - 17lbs 8 oz 28 3/4"

Maggie - 17lbs 9oz 26 1/2"

7 months

8 months

9 months

STATS to come-the dr did not give me the paper for Maggie-he is going to be in TROUBLE:)

10 Months

I am suprised how much they differ from each other when I thought they were more similar.  I think they look like sisters but not identical!  Their personalities are certaintly quite different right now but it will be interesting to see if Maggie changes as much as Annabelle did after she gained some independence around 1 yrs old. 

I CANT believe that next month we will be celebrating 2 birthdays!

Love and Logic-Lesson 1

So in my attempt to be a better mom to a 3 yr old, I am reading Parenting with Love and Logic.

So far I have not made it past the first few chapters, but it is already making a huge difference.  What I have learned is that I am a Drill Sergent Parent.  I decided that Annabelle was going to do what I said because I was the parent and I was in control.  Well....this is fine to get compliance but it is not going to serve her very well later in life when she has to make decisions for herself.  So, instead of demanding she does what I want her to do every step of the way, I need to present her with the facts and let her make a decision.  I know it seems laughable to me as well.....but IT WORKS!  This morning, I did not have a power struggle with Annabelle one time.  When it was time to put her blankie and paci away-she happly walked to her room and handed them to me.  When it was time to get into the car, she happily walked to the car and climbed in.  Those are MAJOR victories in my house.  AND-I left the house on time and made it to work early!  This is huge and really helps my stress level which adds to the problems as I explained yesterday.

I simply give her a choice between two things and let her decide how she is going to do it.  For example, Annabelle do you want Mommy to take your paci and blanket to the basket or do you want to do it?  Annabelle do you want to walk or be carried to the car?  Tricky I know, but it is working!

I can't wait to read more and try to get a stradegy that will work to create peace in my home and soul.  One of the first things the book says is that we can put the fun back into parenting---looking forward to it ;)       

Fun with the Frigolis????

First off, I have to say that I am NOT writing this in an attempt to get a lot of comments about how the Frigolis are fun.  I am writing this as a confession... 

The Frigolis are not very fun to be around! 

Everytime we attempt to get out of our house, it ends in a battle.  I keep waving my little white flag in the air and trying to surrender but our children keep fighting the battle anyway.  The first time I remember this feeling was at my friend, Andi's birthday party in July.  We were attempting to eat at a restaurant and their were 2 other families there with kids.  Those kids were GREAT, but mine were both crying and carrying on about something.  I was just thinking-This is miserable-Why are we putting everyone through this---We should Leave now!  This exact situation has duplicated itself too many times to count.  Dinner a few weeks ago with my grandparents----miserable.  Dinner for Tal's birthday---miserable.  Dinner at Cafe Brazil with the McClishes---miserable.  Trip to a movie with my Brother and Kimberly---miserable.  Seriously-why do we invite people to be put through this misery?  We can not have a conversation, no way are the people we are with enjoying themselves, and our kids are clearly not digging what we are doing. 

This weekend, I was running ahead of everyone trying to see if a Medical Clinic was open or not after the movie experience and while I was walking back I saw Annabelle flinging herslef around like a wild child throwing a FIT about something.  YES-my Child was throwing herself on the ground outside of a dollar movie SCREAMING.  I have seen that exact scene A LOT but never thought it was going to be my family living it out.  I wanted to get in the car and crawl under the seat and never come out until my kids were 20.  I was not really embarrased, I just wanted it to stop.  I wanted to surrender, but she would not let me. 

Yesterday on our drive home from Killeen, both kids were crying-Magging was SCREAMING and clawing at me because she wanted out of her car seat and Annabelle was crying because she only had 5 coins and wanted 6!  Again, I wanted to crawl out the window and WALK home to Dallas instead of being in that car!  I would have given anything for 5 mins of silence. 

So-these expereinces have divulged 2 things to me:  #1  The Frigolis are not fun to be around except maybe at our own house and #2  I am not a good mom to an almost 3 yr old!  Really what all of this means is that I need Patience....seriously hasn't God tried to teach me that before? 

I always thought that 1 Corinthians would reveal itself most in marriage, but I have learned that it is revealing itself to me much more in motherhood.  And just for the record-----I am coming up WAY SHORT! 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Just typing that out is hard because each thing is so far from where I really am TODAY... 

So-we are staying at home and if anyone is brave enough to come over or invite us out with them----be WARNED.  We have a mother in training who is not meeting the mark! 
     

Hello Spring!

It is just BEAUTIFUL outside today!  I am so looking forward to getting outside and playing with the kids this weekend, but for now, I am sitting at my desk with no view of the sun waiting until it is time to go.  So-I thought I would do a little shopping :)  It is just window shopping but still fun!  I am imagining a spring picnic and the girls in these cute outfits....

For Annabelle-the girly girl who loves to wear dresses and frill:

And for my happy go lucky little one Maggie, this fun dress complete with a Hat!

My view from afar...

Every parent has to experience the feeling of someone else influencing or caring for your child from a very young age. When you first have a baby, people come to visit you at the hospital and take a sleeping and swaddled child from your arms and hold them. I know how much I love to hold a new baby so I don't fault anyone from this experience, but it certainly feels different to watch your newborn in someone else's arms than yours. You are able to see a different view of them, see how they move their mouth or grap someones finger and it is not the same view as you saw when you were holding them.

Fast forward to some point in the future and you walk away from the house and your baby is not with you. For some this takes days and for some it takes years...but the day comes! When you return you hear stories about what they did or how they behaved and it is a different view than when you are with them. They NEVER act exactly the same way when they are with you as with other people and it is fun--at least for me--to listen to stories of something the girls did when I did not experience it first hand. I would rather have been there, but there is something to be said for other people telling you about your child. Depending on the caregiver and the "mood" of your child-your desires were probably either carried out the letter or something did not go as planned. usually something did not go as planned. They did not eat, they did not sleep, they fell down etc. It happens.....it happens to moms too.....but in that moment, your only thought is-"Seriously!" They ALWAYS or NEVER do that with me. What did you do wrong.

Why do mommies feel like they are perfect when it comes to what to do for their babies? Why do we feel so much pressure to be perfect, to always have a answer, to know the answer before the question is asked?

So-this is true for all moms I have ever talked to. If this is not true for you, then I would love to know who you are. But when you are a working mom-these ideals that we have for our children are FORCED to be changed. The daycare decides what they are going to eat for lunch. The daycare decides when they are going to take a nap. The daycare decides what book to read before naptime. Of course, the moms get to be part of the process but ultimately, we are overridden must of the time. The child is asked to forgo their perfect world for a world that works with all the other kiddos. They are taught to share, to be considerate of the other kids, to not talk back to their teachers etc etc etc. Of course we get to pick where we take them, and make sure that place will work with us, but really we have to find the place that works BETTER than the others. I doubt there is a BEST daycare. BEST is at home with mommy---right?

So my view of Annabelle and Maggie is different now that someone gets to teach them, play with them and be with them all day. I know I would rather them run to me than their teacher when they want something....But, I know that what is BEST is that they run to their heavenly father when they have struggles....not to their Mommy....OUCH! They are supposed to grow up and move on. That is for sure. I can not create a world that is perfect for myself or for my kids. They will have to struggle in their lives as I have struggled to get where they will be in 35 years.

But for now, I pray for Annabelle's teacher Ms Randee and Maggie's teacher Ms Melissa and for each of the kids they have the privilege of knowing each day. I know that God has ordained their time with each child and teacher and IS IN CHARGE of that time no matter what my opinions are about it.