So many thoughts-I don't know where to start

Lately I have been in a very "thoughtful" mood. I once made fun of my friend because he had to take off 2 days-just to think, but I can kinda relate these days. Here is what is topping my list:

BAD MOMMY FEELINGS
The other day, we were at a local park and Annabelle got away from us and we did not notice. Italo asked me where Annabelle was and I had no idea. He started running one way and I started to run another. We found her at a public pool in the arms of a lifeguard looking for me, but those 10 minutes of not knowing where she was were, to say it mildly, HORRIBLE. I had so many thoughts going through my mind at the time I could not even process what to do. It was truly like running around with my head cut off. But, in the midst of running around and looking for her, I could not keep my mind off of what other people must be thinking of me. I was one of "those" moms who can not handle everything and who lost their kid just because I was not paying attention. To make matters worse, I was at a Youth group reunion with people who I had not seen in YEARS and who wants to be the one who lost their 2 yr old in front of people you have not seen in that long.

The following Monday night, we went to dinner for a friend's birthday and BOTH of the girls started crying and fussing at the restaurant-AT THE SAME TIME! Once again, I was one of those moms that could not keep it together and could not control my children. My friend had to leave-go buy a paci-and miss time at the gathering so that Maggie would stop crying. I seriously wanted to pack it up-run home with my tail between my legs and never leave the house again! But, Italo did not hear me when I asked if he just wanted to go home before we ordered, so we stayed and dealt with the crying. My friends are all very supportive, but I still felt like a bad mom. And-to be honest-I think I felt more embarrassed than I felt bad for my kids who were crying. That is just ridiculous! I should be taking care of my girls-not worrying about how other people are going to judge me.

Matthew 7:1 (English Standard Version) says "Judge not, that you be not judged." and I have to say that I have always read this verse as one saying that if we judge others-God will judge us. But, I am thinking that God allows us to be put in situations that we have judged other for so he can teach us humility. Will-let's just say-I am HUMBLED :) I usually leave most people to their business, but I have been guilty of looking over at the screaming toddler in line or at the restaurant and saying-My child would never act like that-or I would never do that. I don't think I have said that much as a parent, but before I was a parent I had quite a few ideals. God has really been working to crack those up!

But I am quite sad that when I do something less than ideal-my first thoughts go to what others will think of me and not what is best for the situation or the kids.--YUCK!

BEAUTY
The other thought I have been having is what in the world is up with being a teenager and having EVERYTHING about your friends depend on looks! This past month, we had a youth group reunion for the church I grew up at and I have been looking at LOTS of old pictures of camps. choir tours, Disciple Now etc. It has been so fun to look back on all those memories and the things that come to mind about people when I see those pictures are quite revealing. Why is that the one of the first things I thought about in High School upon meeting someone was how attractive they were. I do not do this in my adult life. I think about what they do, common interest or likes/dislikes, but I don't think "are they pretty enough for me to be friends with?" What is up with High School or was it just me? Who knows, but I think it is a little weird! And , I wish I could figure this out so I don't pass this way of thinking onto my girls. I THINK it must come down to giving my kids a sense of self esteem that comes from Christ and not from themselves. But, how do you protect their hearts from being devoured by world and all of the symbols of womanhood they will see. There will be much to explain to my girls as we walk through the next 16-18 years. Lord-please give me wisdom!!

The thing that is really strange to me as I ponder the whole "looks" issue is that everyone decides if your kids are cute or not based on their idea of beauty. There are some kids that are "beautiful" to everyone they meet and then there are some that are "cute" and then others that are not as immediately striking, but once you get to know them, you fall in love with a certain characteristic. But-why must we always comment on how cute a baby is (or think how NOT cute a baby is). Why is this acceptable? I have no answer.....

That is enough pondering for a Monday afternoon-unto more productive things!